Hudson
by LuckyDuck29
Summary: Spinelli makes the ultemate sacrifice so Jason doesn't have to. Kind of Spixie and kind of Spinwin. Also posted on Soap Fan Fiction; Oneshot. Please see my profile for the link to the ld29info forum for the author's notes.


"They've found us," Winifred said urgently. "Mr. Jackal, we must flee this place post haste! Your friends, Stone Cold, Fair Samantha and Maximista have found us!"

Spinelli fought his panic. He had to keep a clear head. He wanted so badly to see his friends, but he knew that would lead to disaster, for Winifred as well as him. Maximista could and would persuade him to act against his better judgment and come back to Port Charles, where he would be arrested, and probably Winifred along with him, and Stone Cold would again be forced into the position of having to sacrifice either The Jackal or Mr. Sir. Spinelli could not an would not allow The Federal Ones to force his mentor to sacrifice either of his friends. Either choice would destroy The Master and The Grasshopper would prevent that at all costs.

They packed their few belongings and tried to sneak down the stairs of the boarding house they were living in, but apparently Jason knew they were going to do that. He and Maxie stood at the bottom of the stairs, blocking the exit, Maximista looking fierce and determined.

"And just where do you think you're going?" she demanded.

Samantha came running, having been guarding the other exit.

"Spinelli," she said, hugging him, "we were so worried about you!"

Stone Cold stood looking stoic, unreadable as usual.

"We just wanted to make sure you were OK and safe," he said quietly.

"And now that we know you are," Maxie said imperiously, "you're coming back to Port Charles with us before you get yourself into trouble."

"The Jackal is perfectly capable of-"

"Shut up," Maxie snapped at Winifred. "This is between me and my friend. What are you even doing here? Did you talk him into this?"

"It was The Jackal's duty to leave," Spinelli said firmly. "He cannot and will not allow his mentor to sacrifice Mr. Sir for him, or him for Mr. Sir. This was my only course of action."

"Maxie," Jason said, "I was gonna take him out of the country, anyway. He did what had to be done."

He turned to Spinelli.

"My first impulse was to come after you, too, but this is your decision and I respect your right to make your own choices."

"Jason, you're not helping!" Maxie said angrily.

"What does Fair Samantha think?" Spinelli asked.

"I wish I didn't agree with Jason, but I do."

"Sam!" Maxie squeaked.

"He's out of the mob, too," Jason said. "Don't you want him to be safe? If he comes back with us he will be arrested, and so will Winifred because she helped him. They're better off away from the feds, the mob and Port Charles."

"And what about me?" Maxie demanded."

This is not about you," Jason scolded.

"Stone Cold is right, Maximista," Spinelli said sadly.

"Let me get this straight," she said, rounding on him. "You would rather stay here with this freak than come back to Port Charles with me."

"The Priestess is not a freak," Spinelli said angrily. "If you call her a freak you think the same of The Jackal; we are very much alike!"

"No, you would never hurt anyone. She hurt you so she could get Jason to cooperate with her bosses."

Spinelli decided to take advantage of this argument to do something that would hurt him far worse than it would hurt Maxie. He hated to do it, but it had to be done. He needed to make her think he was choosing Winifred and his new life over Maxie and everyone he loved in Port Charles. Jason understood his need to leave, and so did Sam. Maxie probably did, too, on some level, but her need for her essential person, as she'd taken to calling him, was clouding her thinking. She was not able to see past her own view to the big picture.

"What you did hurt me more than anything Winifred could ever do. If I forgave you, why then should I not forgive her? I've told you before, you do not choose my friends and I don't choose yours. We both know you're better off associating with fashionably appealing men like Johnny and Federico. You have your own life, Maximista, and as you pointed out the night you slept with me in order to keep me away from The Priestess, I have no life. It is past time for me to make a life for myself and I can't do that in Port Charles because of The Federal Ones."

He had to look away. Maxie looked as if he'd slapped her. He felt as if he had.

Winifred, Sam and Jason watched him with equal parts admiration and sympathy. They all seemed to know he was hurting her in order to protect her from what could and would happen if she convinced him to come back.

"You did forgive me, so why are you throwing it in my face now?"

"Because you're treating me like a child again. You can't just order me to come back with you. I'm not five years old. I am of legal adult status and exercise the right to live my own life on my own terms."

"You can do that in Port Charles. I won't stop you!"

"You've already tried. You seduced me because you thought one night of passion with you would cause me to forget all about The Priestess."

He paused, looked at Winifred, then did something he never thought he would do. He used her to facilitate his own agenda. He would apologize later, but at the moment, he saw no alternative. He only hoped he wouldn't hurt her, too. She was all he was allowed to have in this new life, for the moment. He hoped that together they would make many more friends when their adventure truly began.

"However, your treacherous plan backfired. You only drove me into The arms of The Warrior Priestess. She and I worked closely together during the hospital crisis while you were imbibing alcoholic beverages with your new friend, Johnny the Hero."

He sent a mental apology to Johnny. He really did respect and admire him and hoped that his and Maxie's obvious attraction would not bring pain to The Original Blonde One.

"Winifred and I are in love," he said, putting his arm around The Priestess, who beamed at him and snuggled into his shoulder.

"What?" Maxie asked in a breathless, incredulous tone.

"Yes, she loves me for me and doesn't want me to be her child, or her brother figure, or her project. I'm no charity case and that was what you said I was, didn't you? I was your little project because you felt sorry for me? As you said, nerds and geeks are a dime a dozen; I'm sure you'll find another one to help you get ahead in your career and be your Cyber slave."

She stared at him.

"You really didn't forgive me, did you?"

"I tried because I love you!"

The declaration of love was out of his mouth before he could call it back.

"I thought I was in love with you. But the more I thought about it, and the closer I became to The Priestess, I realized that you will never love me back. How many times have you made it perfectly clear that I will never be good enough to be with you in any romantic sense? How many times have you let me know that I am not a man to you, just a friend, a child, a puppy? Do you remember telling me that you would sleep with Matt Hunter because you have bad taste in men but good taste in friends like me? Do you know how emasculating it is to hear that? But then you did sleep with me, again; the first time was because you were scared and upset and I was happy to comfort you in any way I could. I thought you'd finally decided to love me then, but you then told me that it was a mistake and must never happen again.  
But then it did happen again, not because you love me, but because you selfishly wanted to keep me from Winifred. On some level you must have known that she was my perfect match. You would rather have kept me all to yourself than allowed me to find happiness. But it's OK for you to go out to clubs with Lulu's boyfriend, or spend time in New York with Federico in order to facilitate your career, which makes you happy. You would allow me to be happy only on your terms. Winifred sees me for the man I am, not the puppet you want me to be. When we make love, it's real. There are no ulterior motives, no hidden agendas."

They had never made love. Spinelli was surprised at how easily that phrase had tripped off his tongue. He remembered making up a story on the spot when Stone Cold had asked him why he was trying to disguise himself. He had told him he was afraid of losing Maxie to Johnny and needed to try to look more manly. Apparently The Jackal, who prided himself on his honesty, was learning to become a good liar.

"I never meant to make you feel that way," she said, beginning to cry.

"But you did," he said more quietly, not as harshly as he'd spoken before. "Everyone who knows me knows how I felt about you, but you either didn't know or didn't want to know. There were times when I thought you did know and were punishing me because I didn't see that Georgie was in love with me."

"No!"

"It's better this way, Maximista. You belong with someone who will advance your career an will not embarrass you at career related functions, someone like Federico or Johnny. I belong with someone who understands me and loves me for who I am, flaws and all. You can do that with me if we're friends, but it would never work romantically; I see that now."

"I don't want Federico or Johnny, Spinelli! I want you!"

"How do you want me? Do you want my love or my friendship? Can you honestly tell me that we would make a good match romantically? Can you honestly tell me that you would never again hurt me the way you did that night? I slept with you because I loved you an you slept with me because you couldn't stand that I was developing a friendship with someone else. You judged Winifred as horrible without even giving her a chance.

"But I was right about her; she betrayed you, too!"

"You don't understand! Every time you trashed her, you were trashing me. Who talks like that? I do. Who walks around in their own little world? I do. Who is glued to their laptop all the time? I am. Everything you said about her applied to me and you couldn't even see that."

"I'm sorry," she pleaded.

"I know," he said gently.

He wasn't going to be able to continue this for long. He hated hurting her, but this was for her own good. She needed to accept that there was no other way.

"Spinelli, please, I love you!"

"Stop," he said.

This time his tone was gentle. He wanted to sound angry, as if he didn't believe her. But he did and that made this even more painful for him.

"You need me; I understand that. The Jackal is Maximista's essential person. But if I go back to Port Charles with you I will be arrested and you will lose me, anyway. We can't make a relationship work if one of us is in a prison cell."

He looked at Winifred again. She was holding his hand, offering emotional support.

"Besides, too much has happened. You and I are too different. The Jackal and The Priestess belong together."

"Stop saying that!"

"It's true," he lied. "I love Winifred. You shattered my romantic feelings when you slept with me for your own selfish reasons."

He remembered the voice mail she'd sent him before, threatening to sleep with Johnny, and used it to drive his point home.

"Besides, you made it perfectly clear that you wanted to sleep with Johnny. I got your voice mail. With me gone you're free to do whatever you want; I can't stop you. It'll hurt Lulu, but that's just a plus for you, isn't it?"

"Spinelli!"

"No, Maxie, I could never be with someone who uses sex as a weapon, and especially not someone who would cheat on me just because she can, and with another friend's boyfriend. Winifred may have deceived me, but she never used sex to achieve her goal. Go back to Port Charles and be with Johnny if you choose; I only hope Lulu's heart is not crushed forever between you!"

He couldn't look at her anymore. Hurting her, lying to her, pretending to feel nothing but disgust for her, was killing him.

She stared at him for a minute, watching Winifred rubbing his back, then ran, sobbing, out of the boarding house.

"I understand what you did," Sam said gently, "and I know how hard it was for you. I'm really proud of you for having the courage to do that."

She hugged him tightly.

"You take care of yourself, OK?"

"OK," he said softly. "Can you please extend my apologies to The Blonde One? I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. She was not at Crimson when I stopped to see Maxie."

"I'll deliver the message personally."

She walked out of the boarding house, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Please look after Maximista for me?" Spinelli asked Jason.

"I will."

He surprised him with a hug.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

"I got a piece of advice for you two before I go."

"Yeah?"

"The Feds know you're The Jackal and The Priestess. You have new identities outside Cyberspace; you're gonna need new user names, too."

Spinelli and Winifred looked at each other, startled. That had never occurred to either of them.

"Be safe," Jason said to both of them.

He let go of Spinelli, gave him a final pat on the shoulder, then left.

Winifred followed Spinelli back upstairs to his room. She was staying in the one across from his.

"I'm so sorry," she said, putting her arms around him. "I can see how much that hurt you."

"It's not fair," Spinelli said, fighting back tears. "The woman of my dreams finally tells me she loves me and I can't be with her."

He was unable to stop the tears as he remembered the shattered look on her face as she ran out of the boarding house. He also remembered Georgie's unsent emails. He had hurt her, too. She'd been in love with him and he'd never had a clue. He had hurt Maxie in a different way, but the pain was no less for either sister. Georgie had died with her own secret pain. He only hoped Maximista would find happiness and someday be able to forgive Spinelli for the horrible way he'd just treated her.

"I didn't wanna hurt her."

"I know," Winifred said. "You made a life for yourself in Port Charles and it's OK to grieve it."

She stroked his hair as he cried for his lost past and his uncertain, frightening, almost desolate future.

"Well, if that's the way he feels," Maxie said on the plane, "maybe I will sleep with Johnny. He already thinks I would, right?"

"You told him that was what you were gonna do," Jason said.

Maxie had been ranting and raving since they'd left the boarding house and it was getting on Jason's nerves. Spinelli had done something Jason could never have done. He'd been pushing Elizabeth away off and on for years, but he'd never pretended not to love her, or to be in love with someone else. He'd never been able to pull off a lie of that magnitude. The kid had guts; that was for sure. Everyone knew how he felt except for Maxie, as usual.

"He should have known I wasn't really gonna do it!"

"How is he supposed to know that when you slept with him twice when you didn't even love him?"

"I do love him!"

"Too little too late," Jason said sharply. "If you really loved him you should have been honest with him instead of stringing him along all this time."

"He did what he did because he cares about you," Sam said. "He knew he couldn't stay in Port Charles and he knew you would never let him go so he did the only thing he could. He made you mad at him so you'd leave and he could do what he needs to do without you chasing after him and possibly getting yourself in trouble along with him. He was trying to protect you."

Maxie started to cry again. She knew they were right. Spinelli had sacrificed his own happiness, as well as hers. He hadn't done what he'd done to hurt her, but to protect them both. He had hurt himself more than he could ever hurt her. Now they were both unhappy and might never even see each other again. She only hoped if they ever did manage to clear his name and he could come back that her failure to admit her true feelings for him would not cause a permanent rift between them.

"I need him!"

"I know," Sam said, hugging her. "That was the problem; he knows you need him, too, so he had to make you not want him."

Maxie looked up at Jason with eyes full of pain and fury. She suddenly slapped him.

"This is your fault!" she screamed at him. "He left to protect you because he didn't want you to sacrifice Sonny when Sonny deserves it! Sonny started the mob war! Sonny brought Karpov to Port Charles! Sonny goes around beating up on innocent people just for voicing an opinion and beats them down emotionally for no reason, just because he wants to hurt someone! Spinelli's a better friend to you than Sonny will ever be to anyone and you wouldn't let him pay for his crimes, but Spinelli has to leave the people he loves just so you don't have to do something painful?"

"Stop!" Jason said, his patience now non-existent. "I care about Spinelli, too, and if I could have found another way out of this I would have. But I feel the same way about Sonny that Spinelli feels about me and Spinelli understands that. I was not gonna sacrifice either for the other; end of discussion."

"So now, thanks to you, Spinelli is gone forever."

"Not forever," Sam said. "As soon as we find a way to clean up this mess with the feds we can get word to Spinelli and he can come back."

"By then that witch will probably have her hooks totally into him and I'll have lost him forever."

"Well," Jason said without sympathy, "that's your own fault, Maxie. You should have told him you loved him instead of sleeping with him just to keep him away from her. You drove him right into her arms, and you never should have said the same things about Winifred that most people say about Spinelli. If you'd thought with your brain instead of your own selfish motives maybe you and Spinelli could be together right now."

"Jason," Sam said quietly.

"No," Maxie said, defeated. "He's right. It's my own fault I've lost Spinelli, nobody else's. I did treat him the way he said I did and I didn't even realize it. I spent so much time telling him and everybody else that we'd never be a couple that I pushed him away without even trying. I never meant to hurt him."

She sobbed into Sam's shoulder.

"He knows that," Jason said quietly, regaining his sympathy.

Maxie sniffed and looked up at Jason again.

"I'm sorry I slapped you."

"It's OK."

"I'm gonna make it up to him when he comes back," she said, wiping her eyes. "I'm gonna be the best person I can be and he's gonna see that I really do love him. I'll even be nice to Winifred. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make him happy."

"What if he's really in love with Winifred when he comes back?" Sam asked gently.

She didn't want to hurt Maxie any further, but Maxie needed to accept that possibility.

"If she makes him happy, then I'll leave them alone. I love him and I want him to be happy. The reason I was so mean to him and Winifred before was because I couldn't stand the thought that she might be more important to him than me. Jason was right; I was selfish and I hurt him and I trashed the best thing in my life. I'm not gonna make that mistake again, ever."

She sighed as the plane took her further and further away from Spinelli, promising herself and him that she would follow his example. She would help anyone when she could, even if they were horrible to her. How many times had Spinelli provided undeserved assistance just because someone asked? Maxie would do the same. She would be kind, caring, loving, sweet and helpful. She knew The Bad Blonde One would occasionally resurface, and she also knew there were times when that would be necessary. But she would try to be as selfless as possible whenever possible. She was going to make Spinelli proud of her. When they met again, and she was determined that they would, he was going to see the person he made her out to be, not who she really was at the moment. She was going to make herself forever worthy of the name Maximista.

"Spinelli," Winifred began as they met outside her bedroom door.

They had reasoned that the feds might know where they were. If Spinelli's friends had tracked them down, it was entirely possible that the feds might have a lead on them, too.

"No, Diana," he said quietly. "Stone Cold was right. We are now fugitives who must assume new identities, in and out of Cyberspace. If we're gonna pull this off, Damien Spinelli and Winifred Leads must disappear completely, and to that end, so must The Jackal and The Priestess. From this moment forward, Diana Princeton, you must refer to me as Hudson Rorschach."

She nodded.

"Hudson Rorschach. OK. Um, please accept my humble apologies?"

"What for?"

"That comment I made about Maxie when you did not wish to heed my warning about Cassandra. I told you that you preferred your women dimwitted and blonde. I'm sorry. I said that in the heat of the moment and deeply regret such an unkind, unfair statement."

"You were right. I should have listened to you about Cassandra. As for Fair Maximista, she has also been known to spout unfair, unkind statements in the heat of the moment. I accept your apology. And now, I must ask you to accept mine."

"I know you wish to aid those in need and Cassandra was very convincing."

"No, it's not just about Cassandra. I- I used you to push Maxie away. I told her we were in love and implied that we-"

"You did what was necessary, Spin- Hudson. No apologies are necessary, for your implications or for your actions concerning Cassandra. However, may I respectfully submit that we are in this together? If we are to work and travel together, we must listen to, and respect, each other's views."

"Agreed."

"May I make a request before we leave for Singapore?"

"Of course."

"Might we acquire some medication to combat sea sickness?"

He blinked. He also suffered from sea sickness, a fact that had not even occurred to him until this moment.

"That is an excellent suggestion."

He stopped, suddenly remembering something and Winifred became alarmed at the almost panicked look on his face.

"Hudson, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Excuse me; I'll be right back!"

He ran into his room and plucked the one remaining item off the night table. He stood there for a moment, staring at the picture of him and Maxie with Santa. Winifred watched him from the doorway, then approached him and gently put her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "This departure and changing of identities is no sacrifice for me. My parents are deceased and I have no siblings, and not many people like me. You are my only friend. But I know how much Port Charles and its residents meant to you. I would give anything for you not to have to leave them."

He hugged her. She returned the hug silently, leaving him to his own thoughts.

"Priest-"

He stopped himself, remembering what he'd told her a few minutes ago.

"Diana?"

"Yes, Hudson?"

"I'm glad you're with me."

"I share the same sentiment."

He broke the hug and smiled at her. His pain over leaving his loved ones was still crushing, but having a friend with him made it bearable.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering his arm after putting the photo in his messenger bag.

"We shall."

Spinelli- "Hudson," he corrected himself firmly- hoped that someday he would see the people he loved again. But for now, he had to make the best of his and Diana's situation. He was Hudson Rorschach and she was Diana Princeton. He would not forget his mentor's last piece of advice. They walked out of the boarding house and into their new life and whatever adventures awaited them.


End file.
